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Le Lanterne Rouge's Page
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Profile Information
- Hometown:
- Oz
- Relationship Status:
- Married
- About Me:
- I'm not a cyclist, but I play one on TV. Actually, I play one on the weekends when I dress up in sissy, multi-colored spandex and pretend to be a racer. I used to race. Well, let me say I entered bike races. Some may argue that my performance could not be construed as 'racing' so much as 'hanging on for dear life,' 'wheel-sucking,' and 'vomitting.' Regardless, I paid for a license and wore a number, so I raced, dammit! I also like writing, and know just enough about the sport to be dangerously opinionated. Approach with caution.
- Website:
- http://hopheadvelo.blogspot.com
- Favorite Bike:
- The one underneath me at any given moment
Le Lanterne Rouge's Blog
Sleep-Deprived Feed Zone Worker Hands Rider Musette of Biohazard Waste (Satire)
Yort Fergnid, a third-year pro with Klerd Throopmor (Danish manufacturer of industrial insulation spackle) was finding this running of the Werg Plloopfrap challenging enough – before accidentally being served a musette filled with spent growth hormone vials, blood bags, and syringes. “It’s only my fourth ra… Continue
Posted on January 2, 2010 at 2:00pm —
Dead, Irrelevant Brands Turn to Pro Cycling for Revival (Satire)
It seems that long-forgotten brands are seeking to return to former glory by employing their sponsorship of pro cycling teams for promotion.
“Why should Radio Shack be the only dinosaur brand out there?” asks Penny Mortensen, Director of Marketing Communications for Team Bennigan's. “We figured why the… Continue
Posted on December 1, 2009 at 10:00am —
Rather Than Lose Five Pounds, Rider Spends $10k Making Bike Five Pounds Lighter
A few weeks ago, Dan McKutcheon’s 2006 Scott CR-1 weighed a scant 15.63 pounds, “But it could be lighter,” argues McKutcheon.
Though McKutcheon, by his own admission “could lose a few pounds,” he embarked on a quest to lighten his bicycle rather than himself.
“I figured by the time I get through joining… Continue
Posted on September 19, 2009 at 9:56pm — 1 Comment
New Chain Cleaning Tool Actually Cleans Chain
“Over the years, the only thing these devices have been successful in cleaning is my wallet,” laments Tom Freemire. “I was fed up with these so-called chain cleaners just dispersing what grease and grime was once localized on my chain – in effect, making a small mess larger. My chain may… Continue
Posted on August 3, 2009 at 12:30pm —
Contador Arrested for Launching Series of Attacks on Quiet French Village
Amid Alberto Contador’s bid for the 2009 Tour de France title, French authorities arrested the Spaniard at the conclusion of Friday’s stage for the “unconscionable disregard for humanity” demonstrated in the series of attacks he launched against his adversaries, particula… Continue
Posted on July 24, 2009 at 9:00am — 3 Comments
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