ZeroPerGallon's Page
Profile
- Hometown:
- San Francisco, CA
- Relationship Status:
- Single
- About Me:
- Since founding Zero Per Gallon (and unanimously electing himself to the pulpit), Jonny5 has demonstrated inspiring, innovative, constructive leadership. Jonny5 has sold more than 2,000 ZPG stickers to awesome people around the world -- from Scotland to Japan, and from Atlanta to Seattle. Bike shops, bookstores, and cafes in Washington, D.C, Denver, Boulder, Minneapolis, and San Francisco carry ZPG merchandise. It's this kind of business savvy that has won Jonny5 wide recognition.
As the big kahuna at ZPG, Jonny5 serves on five influential committees, four very-important task-forces, three prestigious executive councils, two top-secret board groups, and one all-encompassing kickass trade association. (*To apply for membership on any of these groups, please contact Jonny5.) Since taking the helm as chief executive big banana of ZPG, Jonny5 has been a strong voice for ZPG in Washington. In fact, he's been lobbying the shit out of elected representatives, working tirelessly to promote the ZPG agenda:
* Advocating policies to make ZPG a competitive leader in America
* Preventing plants from being so damn promiscuous
* Removing unproven goat "science" from public school curricula
Prior to his election as the ZPG big enchilada, Jonny5 was the leading goatless leader in America. Since founding FGCA (Future Goatless Crusaders of America) 15 years ago, he has presided over, consulted for, advised, or otherwise counseled and guided nearly every goatless association in America, including People for the Goatless Way, Americans for an Entirely Goatless Society, the Union of Concerned Goatless Freaks, Americans for Goat Reform, the Center for Goat Restraint, Concerned Goatless Advocates for America, the Goatless Research Council, Goatless Folks for Choice, the Advisory Committee on Goats and the Damage They Cause, Consumers United for a Goatless America, Washingtonians for a Goatless Majority, and the Association of Eastern Goatless Crusaders. He served on the President's Why-Not-All-Furry-Farm-Animals-Are-Good Executive Council, and has the distinction of having served as the chairman of the board of USBGOG (United States Board of Goatless Oversight Groups) longer than anyone else in history, an indication of the confidence, faith, and trust that the people of his homeland have regarding him.
Jonny5 has received various prestigious awards and recognitions, including NAAMBNEATG's (North American Association of Mostly But-Not-Entirely Absurd Trade Groups) Antigoat Crusader of the Year (2001-2004); the National Goatless Club's 2005 Annual Achievement Award; the National Goatless Enforcement Association's Citizen Rights Defender Award; the American Goatless Federation's No Friend of Goats Farm Bureau Award; the Southern Texas Association of Goatless Farmers' Fighter for Goatless Enterprise Award; and the North American Association of Residents Against Any Goats in My Back Yard International Leadership Legislative Award. Jonny5 also received an honorary degree in Goat Studies from Harvard University.
Jonny5 is also a former winner of the USTHC (United States Turtle Hurdling Championship), the WVC (World Velcro Championships), and the NYMSFAEYMJ (National Yo' Mamma's So Fat Award for Excellence in Yo' Mamma Jokes).
Jonny5 is currently the Head Coach of the U29NFT (Under-29 National Fun Team), the Ranking Bearded Member of DCPAC (the DC Pirates Awesomeness Committee), an Honorary Fellow of HAHAS (the Hanover Association of Humor And Satire), Special Assistant to the USDRD (United States Department of Redundancy Department), Managing Director of the USOT (United States Obvious Team), and Chief Operating Officer of J5CGSS (the Jonny5 Center for Giggling and Silly Stuff).
Jonny5 is also an active hitchiker, skinny-dipper, rodeo-attender, stick-of-butter-eater, tornado-survivor, spell-checker, slackline-walker, internet-user, trackstand-trickster, jello-bather, acronym-user, pineapple-wearer, deodorant-abandoner, litter-picker-upper, and hyphen-user. He's a sucky marathon-runner, a fierce grommet-installer, a buoyant swimmer, a respectable pasta-cooker, an advanced duct-taper, a long-armed climber, a generous cat-adopter, a diligent bike-builder, an alert grammarian, and a tireless anti-goat crusader. And he really enjoys swearing at bad drivers.
Jonny5 has three sweet bikes: Paducah, Reinhold, and Attila... AND NO GOATS!
- Website:
- http://www.zeropergallon.com
- Favorite TV Shows:
- I don't have a TV; as far as I'm concerned, the best thing on it is the Tour de France.
Biking = Zero Per Gallon ($0.00)
Bikes kick ass. They're fun, quiet, fast, and friggin' cool. Riding one is good exercise, and, fatties that we Americans are, we could all use more exercise. Bikes are also far cheaper than cars. According to the Department of Labor, we Americans spend 18 percent of our income on our cars (if you include maintenance, insurance, and gas). That's more than we spend on healthcare, which is pretty scary, considering how fat and unhealthy we are. Maybe that's because we drive so much...
And, yet, behind all of that fat, the real costs of driving are hidden. Gas is heavily subsidized, so the price you pay at the pump doesn't reflect its true cost (reasonably estimated from $5/gallon to $15/gallon). Since about a third of all the oil we burn is gobbled up by transportation, driving is largely responsible for our dependence on foreign oil, and our resulting political entanglements with certain oil-exporting nations, not to mention our over-eagerness to drill the hell out of our last great wilderness. Driving clogs up public spaces in cities. And driving pollutes -- creating acid rain, smoggy air, and global climate change. Driving also kills about 43,000 Americans, and 1.2 million people worldwide each year -- and somehow we still insist on calling them "accidents." Few other technological advances impose such a burden.
ZPG is my way of making these points. Biking costs less: for us, for our cities, for the planet. Go ride a bike - and spread the word!
And, yet, behind all of that fat, the real costs of driving are hidden. Gas is heavily subsidized, so the price you pay at the pump doesn't reflect its true cost (reasonably estimated from $5/gallon to $15/gallon). Since about a third of all the oil we burn is gobbled up by transportation, driving is largely responsible for our dependence on foreign oil, and our resulting political entanglements with certain oil-exporting nations, not to mention our over-eagerness to drill the hell out of our last great wilderness. Driving clogs up public spaces in cities. And driving pollutes -- creating acid rain, smoggy air, and global climate change. Driving also kills about 43,000 Americans, and 1.2 million people worldwide each year -- and somehow we still insist on calling them "accidents." Few other technological advances impose such a burden.
ZPG is my way of making these points. Biking costs less: for us, for our cities, for the planet. Go ride a bike - and spread the word!
ZeroPerGallon's Blog
the D.R.E.A.M. Ride
My friend Ethan is raising money for the DREAM ride,
a fundraiser for international development in Tanzania, Kenya,
Cameroon, Haiti, Russia, Rwanda. The event — a 2 week, 900-mile ride,
from Boston to Montreal to New York City — starts on August 3rd, and is
affiliated with CARE, Partners In Health,… Continue
Posted on July 9th, 2007 at 2:02pm —
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The Saga of “Manoslav Brunswick” = solved at last
I get all sorts of crazy internship applications where I work (at a non-profit), but this one was too good to be for real:
From: “Manoslav Brunswick”
Date: March 14, 2007
Subject: internship — YES!!
Dear Mr. Walsman,
I am ready now to help your organization. This is the moment when business most be infiltrated directly to the causes of the “movement”, one in which causes suspicion and m
…
Posted on July 3rd, 2007 at 1:39pm —
No Comments (Add)
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